Happy New Year

I'm impressed, not just with the volume of business we did on the site this season--a tenfold increase over December 2004--but with how smoothly everything went. For all of our deliveries, only a handful failed to reach their destinations on time.

In fact, for whatever reason, I got more calls for people upset with Wolferman's customer service than our own.

I also learned a couple of things this season. If you're ordering a gift for someone, enclose a gift card. We don't charge for them, and that's the only way the recipient will know where it came from. All of our shipping companies use the bakeries' return addresses, so the gift winds up being a mystery, and that can be unsettling for some people.
In addition, if you're expecting something delivered by a certain day and it doesn't get there, call us. I might tell you to wait a day, or I might ship a replacement immediately. I'd rather eat the cost of a replacement and know that you're satisfied than take a chance on something not reaching its destination in time. I scrambled to get some croissants out to a customer in the midwest on Christmas Eve because she called and told me she hadn't recieved her order on December 23. Everyone here shares a commitment to providing the best customer service possible, but we can't do that if we don't know that something's wrong.

There's one last shipping disruption to close out the year. We're unable to ship on Monday, January 2, because the shipping companies are closed. We can deliver on Wednesday, January 4, only by Express Overnight delivery. After that, things get back to normal until November. Our ordering deadline will move back to 2PM Eastern, and we'll be bringing back Monday delivery on select products.

I'd like to thank all of our customers for their support and all of our partner bakeries for their hard work during this past year. We surpassed many of our expectations, and we're looking forward to greater success in 2006.

From all of us at 1-800-Bakery.com, best wishes for a healthy, happy, and sweet New Year.

Send Someone a Stollen

I've been hoping that with the holidays here, our Stollen, which is quite good, would retake the lead as our top-selling product. As of this writing, we only need to sell seven more of them to get that top spot back. I know you're all up to the challenge--if you need a gift for a teacher, a delivery person, a faraway friend, our Stollen is a sweet, delicious way to say thank you or I'm thinking of you.

It's getting down to the line for Christmas orders. Here are our ordering deadlines:

For Boston Coffee Cakes, all orders must be in by today, Friday, at 5PM.

For petits fours, all orders must be in by Noon Eastern on Monday.

For cakes and tarts (except cheesecakes), all orders must be in by Noon Eastern on Monday.

For all of our other products, we will be taking orders for second-day air delivery until 5PM Eastern on Monday, and orders for Express Overnight delivery until Noon Eastern on Wednesday.

We're also expanding our live customer service hours. In other words, no weekend for me. I'll be here from 10AM until 2PM on Saturday, and from at least Noon until 2PM on Sunday. Call and order some Stollen, if you need some, and we'll have it to you, or anyone you choose, in time for Christmas.

This will be my last post before the holiday barring any unexpected developments. So I'd like to take this chance to thank you for reading and to thank you for helping us grow beyond our expectations this year. Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukah.

Cheers,
Derek

Ye Olde Nor'Easter

Thanks to the snow blowing around the Northeast today, our friends at Bittersweet Pastries are unable to accept any orders for Saturday delivery. I'm not linking to them because if I do you'll click on the link, then you'll see the delicious cakes, then you'll want one for tomorrow. But we can't ship it for tomorrow. Ok, fine, here's the link to our cakes. Just don't order any for tomorrow. Please.

This seems like a good time to bring up the always-popular topic of shipping disruptions. Snow is a fact of life for a lot of places in this country, and snow does affect our ability to deliver our products on time. The shipping companies suspend their delivery guarantees during a major storm, and depending on accumulation, sometimes for a day or two after a storm. What's a "major" storm? It varies, but anything over three inches is usually enough to snarl traffic and keep airplanes on the ground.

If you're planning on ordering something, be sure to check our Shipping Disruptions page, where I'll post updates on storm-related delays as they happen. If you're ordering ahead, please try and allow an extra day for us to get things where they're going, particularly if the shipment is going to New England, New York State, and the northern midwest and plains states.

For Christmas deliveries, the best advice I can offer is to schedule deliveries for December 22. That way, should a storm arrive, we'll have an extra day to get the gifts to your loved ones in time.

Whiskers on Kittens

We've seen a big spike in sales of our croissants ever since Oprah's Favorite Things show ran just before Thanksgiving. I didn't see the show, but I do know that the Individual Chocolate Lava Cakes from our friends at Galaxy Desserts made that list a couple of years back.

If you're thinking of getting some croissants, I hope you'll get them from us. We've got one major advantage over Williams Sonoma--ours are baked and ready to eat. Theirs need to be proofed and baked when they arrive. Many of our customers have told us that they like our croissants better than Williams Sonoma's--that's a matter of taste, as I think they're both good, but then again, I don't eat a Williams Sonoma croissant for lunch every day. I do eat one of ours, as they're one of my favorite things in this bakery.

For what it's worth, I thought I'd share a few of my other favorites from our site, just in case you're looking for a gift for a thirtysomething marketing director/web producer with a deep love for fine food.

Mini Cookies from Supercookie--Steve ordered a case of the Halloween cookies for the store. As soon as it arrived, I stole a tub of them and ate most of it the same day. Steve mumbled something about, "There go my profits," and walked away.

Vegan Blondies--I'll confess that I'm not a fan of most things that are good for you. I like steak, and I consider fruit punishment rather than a snack. But when we got the samples of these, the rest of the staff here had to fight me off to get some. They're so moist and dense, and completely free of animal products. If you've got a vegetarian or a vegan on your gift list, look no further. This is the perfect gift.

Chocolate Petits Fours--Dark chocolate for me, please, the more bitterswet the better. Divine Delights uses delicious chocolate to dip these petits fours, and their chocolate and mocha fillings are my favorites. I adore Godiva chocolate, but I'd be just as happy to get a box of these.

Chocolate Satin Cake--Someday I'm going to be left alone with a big bowl of chocolate ganache. Someday. Until then, I'll settle for this heavenly bittersweet chocolate cake that's filled, iced, and bordered with the stuff. It's like a hot fudge sundae without all that ice cream melting and messing up the fudge.

Stollen--It's NOT a fruitcake. Nobody likes fruitcake. Well somebody somewhere must, because they keep making the stuff, but I'll gladly take one of these Stollen instead. It's a sweet German bread filled with candied fruits (which is why some people make the mistake) and raisins soaked in Myers Rum. It's sweet and light, and we make it with a genuine German recipe. Pop it in the oven to warm it for a few minutes and you'll have a lovely Christmas breakfast.

Grand Sequoia Mousse--The only thing better than bittersweet chocolate in ganache form is bittersweet chocolate in mousse form. When our freezer died back in April, I was "forced" to eat all the samples before they spoiled. I love everything that Galaxy Desserts makes, but a half dozen of these would be my gift of choice.

New English Muffins--These were recently featured in The Boston Globe's Food section. All the varieties are a treat, but the five-cheese is the best of the lot. Spread on some pizza or spaghetti sauce, pop it in the microwave for a few seconds, and you've got a fantastic English Muffin Pizza.

97% Fat-Free Yogurt Cake--Did I mention that I don't like healthy foods? Here's another exception. We make this pound cake with yogurt instead of dairy, which reduces the fat without ruining the taste. I was handing samples of these out at the New England Food Expo back in March, and the visiting chefs and food directors were amazed at how good this cake tastes. Unless you tell someone, they'll never know it's a reduced-fat food. I like it just for the taste and texture.

So there you have it--a few of my favorite things from our site. If you're ever looking for suggestions, please e-mail me at derek@1-800-bakery.com . And remember, you'll never need to worry about color or size with a gift from our site. And if they've already got one, they'll be very happy to have another.

We're Not Scrooges (Really!)

I've heard that some folks are upset about my decision--yes, you can put the blame right here--to use the word "Holiday" to describe our petits fours. I've been accused of being Grinchlike and part of that PC crowd that's out to rob Christmas of its meaning.

Most of my friends will agree that I am Grinchlike most of the time, but they'll also tell you that I'm one of the biggest fans Christmas ever had. In August, they roll their eyes when they see me waving my "Christmas #1" foam finger around. The last thing I'd ever want to do is diminish the meaning of December 25, which I consider one of the best days of the year.

There's a technical reason, rather than a PC reason, why I chose the word "holiday." Some of our partner bakeries have their own Web sites and, like us, spend a lot of time and effort trying to get those sites noticed by search engines. If I use the same product names they use, we wind up competing with each other, and they get unhappy.

So whenever possible, I change the product names a little so that we're working with our own unique search terms. Our partner bakery uses the word "Christmas" for all their petits fours, so I went with "Holiday." That's all there is to it. If I was that PC, I wouldn't have Christmas Mini Cookies on the site. It was Phil Bruno's idea to call those other cookies Holiday Lites, not mine, and Phil's often annoyed at me for not changing his product names enough.

So now you know why I chose to use "holiday." I hope this makes sense, and I'll be happy to wish anyone who calls a Merry Christmas. Call in the afternoon, when I'm less Grinchlike.

Next week we'll debate my spelling of "Menorrah."

What's This Noon Stuff?

As I mentioned in my last entry, the order deadline for next-day shipping has been pushed back to Noon Eastern until the end of December. There's a couple of reasons for the change. The bakeries are busy, but just as important, the shipping companies are busy, and that's only going to get worse throughout the month of December.

I realize that the noon deadline is a drag, particularly for those on the West Coast who are still trying to find their workstations and start the day. It's a necessary concession at this time of year, and we'll be moving the deadline back to 2PM in early January.

As I've said before, ordering ahead is the best way to make sure that we get your products to you in a timely manner.

Keep an eye on our Seasonal Treats page through the first week of December, as we'll be adding a few more tasty desserts to make your celebrations warm and merry.

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's been a busy Thanksgiving, both at the bakery and on the site. I'd like to thank all of our customers on behalf of myself and Chef Steve for helping this business to grow faster than we ever expected. In case you're wondering where the blog updates have been, I've just had too much to do over the last two weeks. That, of course, leaves me with a couple of bits of administrata to clear.

First, we won't be shipping anything between November 24 and November 28. Our friends at FedEx and UPS are taking a weekend breather before the busy holiday shipping season kicks in. They've earned it. Any orders you place between now and November 27 will ship on November 28.

Second, our Thanksgiving products are no longer available, but a new collection of holiday desserts is now online, which you can find on our Seasonal Treats page. Remember that it's a good idea to order early--our Rum Pumpkin Tart sold out before Thanksgiving, and all of our holiday desserts are available in limited quantities.

Third, as the holiday shipping season begins, we've had to make some adjustments to our Overnight Express delivery. Beginning Monday, November 28, the order deadline for next-day deliveries is Noon Eastern. This will be in effect until January 2. All other shipping will be unchanged until December 19. I'll have more information on that in the coming weeks.

Finally, as the new site gets put to the test, we're discovering a few problems with the system. For the record, this happens at every site, and I'm being more honest about it than some folks are. We've experienced occasional outages due to traffic and some minor problems with our Checkout system.

If you ever encounter a problem with our site, I do hope you'll call us at 1-800-287-9870. If something isn't working and no one tells us, then we don't know that it's broken and we can't fix it. Those calls that report problems are essential to us. I'd particularly like to hear from any Firefox users out there who are having trouble.

That's all for now. I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving.

No Cakes 'til Tuesday

Due to production issues, I've had to take all of our products from Bittersweet Pastries offline until Monday. This is the first time we've had this kind of a situation, and I apologize for the inconvenience.

All of the cakes and tarts from Bittersweet will be available next week, and you can continue to place orders for their products so long as the delivery date is Tuesday, November 15, or later. If you've got any questions, please e-mail me at derek@1-800-bakery.com.

And We're Live

It's here, the new and improved 1-800-Bakery.com. After four months of researching, rebuilding, rewriting, and redesigning, our site has been relaunched to reward our customers.

That's the real Chef Steve gazing out from the top navigation. Now I get to look at my boss every time I'm on the site. Joy. All that's missing is a little word balloon that says, "Work harder."

I'm very proud of the new site and all the hard work from Chef Steve, the nice folks at b2services who helped with the redesign and upgrades, the customers who offered their suggestions, and, of course, the family and friends who helped us cope during this project.

There's a ton of new information and new features available on the site that I encourage you to explore. We've moved to a faster server, so you'll be seeing it all much faster than before. And there's more to come in the next few weeks, including improved product descriptions and an online glossary. Not to mention new cookies and petits fours for the holidays.

I'd love to know what you think of our new site. We designed it to be easier to use and more comprehensive than before, and I hope we succeeded. If you've got any comments or suggestions, please send them to me at derek@1-800-Bakery.com.

Addendum: It's possible that a few of your bookmarks may have broken during the redesign. To accomodate the new font size and page layout, I had to shorten the names of Hurley's Boston Soda Breads and the New English Muffin Company, as well as the product names for our Sugar Free Low Carb Flourless Chocolate Truffle Cake and Sugar Free Low Carb Flourless Marble Truffle Cake. The products are all still there, but they've got shortened names, and our site uses the product name to generate the URL. There won't be any changes like this in the future, and I apologize for the inconvenience.

Technical difficulties?

You might see some strange things happening today as we install the new site.

Wait, did I just say "install the new site"? Yes I did. And as with all things new, there's the odd technical hiccup to sort out.

So please pardon our appearance during renovation, and if the site does start acting wonky, give it a few minutes.

Florida Shipping and Holiday Schedule

We're once again delivering to all ZIP Codes in Florida, and I hope the arrival of November will put this hurricane season to bed. In case you're wondering, the list of affected ZIP Codes is compiled primarily from the U.S. Postal service. These delivery outages are a result of blocked roads or power outages in the affected areas.

I always err on the side of caution when it comes to shipping our products. Some of our perishable products simply can't take an extra day or two in shipping. But as the recovery moves forward in Mississippi and Louisiana, I'm increasingly looking at a patchwork of service offered by UPS, the U.S. Postal Service, and Federal Express.

So if you'd like to send something to someone on our shrinking list of affected ZIP Codes, please e-mail me at Derek@1-800-Bakery.com or call us at 1-800-287-9870. We'll do everything we can to get your gift delivered.

And now an ineloquent segue: Thanksgiving is coming. One of my first jobs in the bakery business was to help with customer pickups on Thanksgiving. It's the single biggest holiday for bakers, and if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you need to order ahead if you want to avoid disappointment. Our Jack-O-Lantern cookie sold out within minutes of last week's e-mail going out, and I'm expecting the same to happen with our Harvest Petits Fours and Cornucopia Cookie.

You can order at any time and specify your delivery date by typing it into the Comments field on our Checkout page. The deadlines for Thanksgiving delivery are November 21 for Second Day Air and November 22 for Overnight Express. But again, you could find a very limited selection available by then, so if you see something you like, order it soon.

After looking over the planned closures for the shipping companies we use, I've put together our November Holiday Schedule:

We will be shipping on our regular schedule for Veteran's Day.

For Thanksgiving, we will be closed from November 22 until November 28. This means that any orders placed after 2PM on November 22 will not ship until November 28. Our shipping companies are suspending Friday and Saturday deliveries that weekend, and if this year is like past Thanksgivings, we'll need the days off to recharge.

Shipping Resumes to Texas

We're once again able to ship throughout the state of Texas. It's good to see the number of affected ZIP Codes dwindling as services return to the areas hit by hurricanes this season.

Meanwhile, there's snow in the forecast for Boston tonight. I've got to go plan a costume that includes mittens and a knitted cap.

And now Wilma...

I'll be glad when this hurricane season is over. For those who follow these sorts of things, Wilma is the last named hurricane we can have this season. Seems they've run out of names, so if another tropical storm develops, it will be called Hurricane Alpha, unless the marketing folks step in and buy the naming rights. Hurricane Disney, perhaps?

The US Postal Service has suspended shipments across parts of Southern Florida for today. As always, I'll be monitoring the situation and keeping you up to date on our Hurricane Information Page.

Making a Friend of Monday

I'd promised a big announcement today, and here it is: We can deliver products on Monday.

That's the big announcement? Yes, and let me explain why it's so important.

We're not a network of bakeries. All of our products are bakery-direct, which means you get them from the same bakery--the bakery that created the original recipe--every time. We don't farm out your order to the bakery down the street because we know it's hard to maintain consistent quality when you do things that way. Besides, the bakery down the street doesn't have our products.

It's been a standard practice in bakery-direct e-commerce that Monday delivery was a no-no. Because we, and other bakery sites, want our products to arrive fresh, we don't want them sitting at a shipping depot over the weekend. We don't pack our products with preservatives, so it's important to protect them while they travel.

The down side to all of this is having to say "No" to customers when they ask if something can arrive on a Monday. I don't like saying "No" to customers, and I'm sure it seemed odd to you that in a seven-day week, there were really only five days when we could deliver.

After talking to our partner bakeries, I was able to find some products that can be shipped over the weekend and arrive fresh. Some of them are durable, others are packaged in airtight containers. As with everything we sell, we offer a 100% satisfaction guarantee along with our pledge that we'd never sell you anything we wouldn't proudly serve in our own homes.

I'm working with our partner bakeries to expand our Monday offerings. I hope you'll find the added flexibility valuable.

Second-Day Air Returns

Good news for you cost-conscious folks thanks to the cooler temperatures of autumn. I'm pleased to announce that second-day air shipping is back for all of our cakes from Bittersweet Pastries and all of our petits fours, with the single exception that we must continue to ship our petits fours overnight to Florida. It stays hot there all year, which must be nice.

With a little forethought, you can save up to 50% on shipping costs. Everything else seems to be getting more expensive these days, so it's nice to be able to offer our customers a chance to save.

High fuel prices are a concern for everyone these days, especially in the shipping business. We're working to find ways to maintain or possibly reduce our current shipping charges for many of our products. I'll keep you informed on all the developments.

And speaking of developments, we're getting ready to do something unique in bakery-direct e-commerce. It involves breaking our own rules (just a little), but it will give us the flexibility to provide you with even more memorable gifts.

Look for the announcement on Thursday.

Long Weekends and the Holiday Rush

Officially, we'll be closed on Monday to enjoy the long Columbus Day weekend. Our friends at Bittersweet Pastries tell me that they'll be around on Monday, so if you need an emergency Chocolate Birthday Cake or a tasty Cranberry Walnut Tart for Tuesday, they'll be able to ship them out.

This is a good time to start thinking ahead about holiday orders. Bakeries get very busy at this time of year. Thanksgiving is the biggest holiday of the year in terms of sales for most bakeries, followed by Christmas, Easter, and Valentine's Day. With so many orders coming in, products can sometimes be in short supply.

While we pride ourselves on being able to ship overnight anywhere in the continental United States (except on Sunday and Monday), at this time of year, it's far better to order ahead. By ordering in advance, you can be certain that you'll receive the special tart, cake, or cookies for your holiday gatherings. As colder weather moves across the country, you'll also save on shipping by taking advantage of Second Day Air delivery. Look for that option on our products as October comes to a close.

Ordering ahead is as simple as typing the delivery date in the Comments field on our One-Page Checkout form. For more information, you can check our Choose Your Delivery Date information page.

As a bakery insider, I can't tell you how important it is to order ahead during the holidays to avoid disappointment. We'll do our best at 1-800-Bakery to take last-minute orders, but product selection may be limited as specific holidays near.

Finally this week, the government has put together an informative and valuable site about protecting yourself online. Security continues to be an important issue for responsible online retailers, and I encourage you to visit the government's site and learn how to protect yourself while you're shopping online.

Why We Don't Like Mondays

Strange things going on around these parts. But before I get to that, let me kick off October with a hearty GO RED SOX in the hope that they'll win a World Series while I'm here in Boston to enjoy it.

Now about those strange things...the weather folks are telling us that fall foliage is coming late to New England this year. Typically you don't have to venture too far north into New Hampshire to see autumn colors by Columbus Day, but thanks to a warm September, even northern Vermont is only at 20% of peak foliage. I'm convinced that the seasons around here get a little further behind the calendar each year. Snow in late March is a lot more common than it used to be, and the hottest part of summer arrives in August instead of July.

On another calendar note, Halloween is on Monday, October 31. Monday is bad for us. We don't like Mondays. Because even though we live in a seemingly on-demand world where products appear at our doorstep the day after they're ordered, the shipping companies still insist on having their Sundays off. So anything we ship second-day on a Friday or Saturday gets a one-day layover in a warehouse somewhere.

We don't like layovers because we want your products to be at the peak of freshness when you receive them, so we don't do Monday deliveries. Ever. With only a couple of exceptions that you, the readers of this blog, will know about.

I know with complete certainty that a few of our products ship well enough that we can take an Express or Second-Day Air order and let them enjoy a day of rest on Sunday. Specifically, the rugelach and pralines from Steve's Mom are shipped in a sealed, airtight gift tin that keeps everything fresh. In addition, the cookies from SuperCookie travel well. The minis are sealed in a plastic tub, and the big cookies are packed in a plastic bag.

We can't ship cakes or petits fours on Monday, but the Big Birthday Cookie is a fun and surprising alternative for someone celebrating another year.

With Halloween on a Monday, we've set up the following order deadlines for delivery on Saturday, October 30:

• 2PM Eastern Wednesday, October 26, for Second-Day Air
• 2PM Eastern Thursday, October 27, for Overnight Delivery
• 2PM Eastern Friday, October 28, for Saturday Delivery

After that, our Halloween specialties will be gone. If you're looking for one of the most unique Halloween treats you've ever seen, check out the Jack-O-Lantern Cookie from SuperCookie. One of the neatest things I've seen in a while and, as always, a much better value than a cookie bouquet.

Finally, we're able to ship throughout the state of Alabama once again. As people return to the Gulf states, we're monitoring service updates from the U.S. Postal Service each day. Look for more information on our Hurricane Information Page.

More Trouble for the Gulf Coast

With Hurricane Rita churning toward Texas, it is again my unfortunate duty to caution our customers about shipping to the area. I recommend checking with friends and family in the area before placing an order, and we will review any order we receive that has a destination along Rita's path.

All of us at 1-800-Bakery.com send our thoughts to those displaced by the hurricane and offer our hopes for a minimal impact to the region.

Should any additional delivery suspensions occur, I will post them on our Hurricane Katrina Information Page on Monday.

Everything but Guilt-Free

I'm happy to report that the number of ZIP Codes disabled by Hurricane Katrina decreased this past week. There have been few moments in my professional life as sad as having to create that list. As I typed each ZIP Code, all I could think was that this was a town, a city, so devastated by the storm that basic services which most of us take for granted no longer existed. These cities and towns were gone.

Seeing the list get shorter reminds me that there is hope and that people will someday return to many of the affected areas. In the meantime, thousands still need help. If you're in the Boston area, I'll be part of a comedy benefit on Wednesay night at 9:30 at The Office, 50 Broad Street, Boston. If you'd like more details, you can e-mail me at derek@1-800-bakery.com. You can also donate directly to the American Red Cross at http://redcross.org.

Look for another update of our Hurricane Katrina Information on Friday.

In happier news, we've got a new product on the site that's sure to please the vegans in your life. Vegan Blondies from Tipsycake of Chicago are chocolate bars made without any animal products, dairy, or eggs. They're cruelty free and very, very tasty, with a creamy, moist chocolate flavor. As someone who's suspect of anything lacking sugar, fat, or traditional ingredients, I must confess that I was quite impressed with these blondies. In fact, I wound up eating most of the sample box they sent.

I love products like this, because I know that there are vast stretches of America where specialty baked goods are unavailable. I'm always keeping an eye out for fat free, sugar free, and vegan foods with outstanding taste. Chef Steve and I look forward to bringing you more of these products in the coming months.

Katrina Update

As I was writing last Monday's post, Katrina had yet to unleash her full fury on the Gulf Coast. Levees outside New Orleans had yet to break. And America had yet to spend a weak witnessing the heartwrenching struggle for survival in Louisiana and Mississippi.

It's tempting to remove the post, just as it was tempting to remove the link to our Fall Preview on our home page. Life goes on for many of us, but our hearts, prayers, and support are with those who have lost so much in an instant, devastating act of nature.

We discussed setting up a donation drive here at the site, but we decided it's far better for those who want to help to donate to The American Red Cross. The need is immediate, and your donations will go straight to work helping those displaced by the hurricane.

We have also added a new information page on the site, which can be found at http://www.1-800-bakery.com/info/katrina.html. This page provides a list of ZIP Codes that are out of service due to storm damage. Because we use several companies to ship our products, we have chosen to use the list from the United States Postal Service, which is the most comprehensive of the three, as the source for affected ZIP Codes. We have also included areas where there are service delays as well as areas where there is no service, because we are unable to guarantee timely deliveries to these areas.

This list will be updated each Friday to reflect restoration of service in the affected areas. I look forward to the day when I can remove the page from our site, and I hope it comes soon.

Hurricane Katrina

First off, the good news: None of our partner bakeries have been closed by Hurricane Katrina, which made landfall on the Gulf Coast this morning. That means that all of our products are available for delivery.

However, depending on where you would like things delivered, there may be some difficulties during the week, particularly east of the Mississippi River between today and Wednesday. We expect that deliveries to the hardest-hit areas will be impossible for the next 48 hours.

If you would like to send something to Louisiana, Mississippi, or Alabama this week, I recommend checking with the shipping companies ahead of time to ensure that they can make the delivery.

Change of Seasons

We got our first chilly night yesterday, a reminder that heat and humidity will soon be just another New England Memory. This is my favorite time of year in these parts, as cool nights settle in and the trees explode with autumn colors. There's also the fall harvests of apples, pumpkins, and native corn to enjoy.

The first sign of fall appears on the site today, in the form of Back to School Mini Cookies from our friends at Supercookie. Later this week, look for a preview of the many fall flavors from Supercookie, Divine Delights, and Bittersweet Pastries.

We'll also be discontinuing some of our summer items until next year. If you like Spring Mini Cookies or Golf Mini Cookies, they will only be available until August 31.

Links at Last

The great link migration of Ought-Five is complete. You'll find Gift Baskets nestled among the various Shop by Person categories. Now if I could just find a way to move petits fours to the top level navigation...might happen, might not.

The only task remaining in our cleanup efforts is to optimize all the product pictures so they look extra tasty. Those will roll out over the next week, and then something very big and exciting will put a final flourish on all the small changes that we've made since April.

Meanwhile, some British researchers have analyzed the way men and women look at Web sites and found that a majority of British university sites have a stronger appeal to men. I'm wondering if this isn't true of the Web as a whole, where modular design is the norm.

Good Time for Changes

Has it really been a week since my last post? It's been a little hectic here. August is a slow month in the baking business--between vacations and double-digit heat, most folks aren't longing for cake--so we're taking advantage of the chance to make a few changes to the site.

You'll notice our new Shop by Bakery category, which was something I introduced to make managing our catalog easier. Before I had to search through all our categories to find the complete product list for a single bakery. Now everything is in one place, which makes my life much easier. It's also good if you like a product from a certain bakery--now you can see everything they offer in one place.

Keep an eye out for a couple of changes this week. "Candies and Chocolates" will be renamed "Confections," and is now the home for our Chocolate Dipped Strawberries. Gift Baskets will be removed as a category and the baskets will be relocated into appropriate Shop by Person categories.

All of this is in preparation for our coming redesign. I reviewed the first draft of it yesterday, and it's spectacular. It should be online very soon, and it will make using our site even easier.

While you wait, you can check out the newly redesigned staples.com, which has been rebuilt based on the input of thousands of users. I do find it easier to navigate, but I'm surprised that they aren't displaying more products.

And finally, a little heads-up to a new competitor I've found in baked goods e-tailing: Don't let the Postal Service catch you shipping those matches by air with your Birthday Cake Party Kit. That's illegal.

Take Two, They're Small

You might see the same items duplicated in our on-site search results over the next day or so. That's because we really want you to buy those items.

Actually, it's part of the migration to a new catalog structure that should be complete by Thursday. The summer heat is no friend to bakery sales, so it's a good time to shuffle things around.

And to the nice folks at United Parcel Service, I love you. I really do. But I'd like to know why you kept dumping shipments at the Louisville distribution hub when it was shut down last Thursday and Friday. In this automated, tracked, computer and GPS world of ours, surely there's something else you can do with packages besides let them pile up while you wait for the weather to clear.

Some of those packages contain perishables. Either take a lesson from the power grid folks and build in some failsafes, or let your customers know when these situations arise so that we can make alternate shipping arrangements.

Problems at the Pyramid?

Somebody's having a little fun over at the News & Media page of mypyramid.org. The article selection is clearly biased, and the stories are presented with fun headlines like "Why Uncle Sam Tells You What to Eat," "Industry Applauds New Food Guidance System as Unscientific," and my personal favorite, "A Plant-Based Diet Is a Healthy Choice--For Sissies."

Maybe whoever's over there is tired of those Wheat Council folks walking around like they own the place.

After you have a laugh, you can try to find some of our products on Froogle. I'd suggest searching for Stollen, which returns fewer art prints than other bakery terms. It's a good service, but I'd like to see a level of category organization thrown at it, so that I'm not wading through books and posters when I want to find food. Try the Grid View, which eliminates descriptions but makes it much easier to see your choices.

Nonsecure Items

A rare double-update from me today. There's a little glitch in the site that I wanted you to be aware of.

If you enter a Checkout page, you might encounter an error message that says "This page contains both secure and nonsecure items." This is not a security flaw, and there's no need to worry about it. We've got a URL in the code pointing to an address on the site as an http rather than an https. This problem should be fixed in the next 24 hours. In the meantime, feel safe ordering from us.

Now if the message said, "This page contains insecure items," it would just be talking about me.

What Your Food Is Telling You

Here's a modern take on the Stamp Act that even Bostonians can enjoy: The Wheat Foods Council is calling attention to the new whole-grain recommendations in the Food Guide Pyramid with three Whole Grain stamps that you'll soon be seeing at retail.

The new stamps classify whole-grain foods into three categories: Good, which offers a half serving of whole grain; Excellent, which provides a full serving of whole grain; and 100%, which contains a full serving of whole grain and no other grains, which I guess are considered junk grains now.

And here come the angry farmers to complain about that last sentence. Just kidding, folks. Put the pitchforks down.

We're taking a hard look at what whole-grain products to add to the site, and we'll be using the stamps to identify them when they appear.

Meanwhile, there's a new war on stickers shaping up in the produce aisle, with the announcement that a pilot program will test laser-etching of fresh fruits and vegetables. Everything from bar codes to advertising could be on the horizon, but for now the etching is limited to the price look up (PLU) and manufacturer.

There's some information to be found in those PLUs, if you know how to read them. If you see a four-digit code, it means the produce was conventionally grown. If the PLU has five digits beginning with a 9, it's organically grown, and if it has five digits beginning with an 8, it's genetically modified.

Those numbers can be found on the stickers on all produce the next time you're at the supermarket. If the laser etching turns out to be more effective, maybe we can burn those whole grain stamps right on the bread and muffins.

New Cookies, New Category

Filed under Stuff You Need to Know: I'm rearranging our catalog to make it easier to use both for you and for us. That means you'll see some small changes in our categories over the coming weeks, which will be very annoying for anyone who bookmarked the pages or follows an old link from a search engine. You'll get our home page instead of the page you expected. Check the links on the right and you should be able to find what you want (or else I should be fired). I'll also post updates here at the BakeryBlog whenever a change is made.

This week, say goodbye to Celebration Specialty Desserts and hello to Birthday Specialties. The new page has double the number of products the old page had--four instead of two!

That's not terribly exciting, but I think you'll love those two new products, a Blue Birthday Cookie and Pink Birthday Cookie from our friends at Supercookie. These are a terrific alternative to birthday cake or a great gift to send someone who already has a cake. Please send those bandits with the cookie bouquets a message by ordering these.

As for the why behind the catalog shuffling, there's two reasons. First, we don't organize our products by manufacturer in our back end, which means I have to spend a lot of time hunting things down to make changes. Our Bakery List makes it much easier for customers to find products than it is for us to find them.

Second, I'm unhappy with the current catalog organization. I doubt that Chocolate Dipped Strawberries and Gift Baskets warrant their own categories, and Shop by Price becomes irrelevant when you add on the shipping charges.

I'm in "Read the customers' minds" mode to figure out what all of the new categories will be. If you've got some thoughts, I'd love to hear them.

And You Thought the Cola Wars Were Bad

Interstate Bakeries and Sara Lee are preparing to throw down in a battle royale over whole white bread, according to the tale of the tape in today's Chicago Tribune. It seems that ConAgra has found a way to mill whole wheat so that it can be baked into loaves that look like white bread while retaining some of the nutritional benefits of whole wheat bread.

Again the awe-inspiring influence of the American Wheat Council and the new Food Guide Pyramid creep into our daily lives. You can even download a free version of the Pyramid for your PDA to tell the skeptical Atkins adherents in your life about the benefits of whole wheat.

Both Interstate and Sara Lee are hoping to corner the fickle youth market with a product that kids will eat and parents will feel good about serving. Expect the battle to heat up in a supermarket near you by the end of this year.

Meanwhile, I'm wondering if you nice folks in readerland would like to see some whole wheat breads on our site. Yes? No? Let me know.

Baked with Platinum, I Guess

I was out and about on the Web last week, checking out the competition. It turns out that cookie bouquets are a popular item on the search engines. I thought it would be nice if we carried those.

Then I started investigating the cookie bouquet sites. One wanted 90 bucks for a dozen cookies. Another was asking $79. These are large by cookie standards, and hand-decorated to boot, but I still find it a great stretch to charge that much, plus shipping, of course, for a dozen cookies.

If you're thinking of sending someone cookies, it's because that person likes cookies. Wouldn't you rather send them a lot of pretty cookies than a handful dressed up to look like flowers?

Go check out our offerings from Supercookie. You can send three tubs of our mini-cookies, around 69 cookies total, for less than you'd spend for one dozen of those bouquet cookies. That includes shipping, and the last time I left a tub of these on my desk I had to hide it after an hour to keep my coworkers from eating them all.

Start Hoarding Those Hi-Hos

Bad news if you live in the northeast: A fire in Wayne, New Jersey has disabled power to a plant owned by Interstate Bakeries. Conservative estimates are that the plant won't be up and baking for five days, setting the stage for the Great Twinkie Drought of Ought-Five.

Should you find your snacking interrupted, the Keebler folks would like to remind you that their reliance on elven technology ensures a constant supply of cookies to your local grocer. Or you could try our new Biscotti Sampler, which contains four flavors of delicious gourmet biscotti for just $9.95. I'll confess my bias on this product, because I'm hooked on the Chocolate Hazelnut.

From Joy to Despair

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of the London transit bombings and their families. Such acts have no place in civilized society.

Our Privacy Policy

A few interesting stats this morning courtesy of my subscription to Internet Retailer:

Because a site's Privacy Policy was unclear,

• 64% of customers decided not to purchase
• 67% of visitors decided not to register

This comes from a new Harris Interactive survey conducted for a string-of-words think tank associated with another string-of-words think tank and Deloitte & Touche LLP. The survey also found that 20% of respondents were victims of identity theft and 87% were aware of recent consumer data thefts.

Since this is an issue with so many of you out there, I'd like to restate our Privacy Policy in the simplest language possible:

We don't share your information with anyone. Ever. For any reason. Except to complete your transaction.

That means we need to pass your credit card to a third-party authorization company and give your shipping address to FedEx, UPS, or the Postal Service to deliver your products.

When you order from us or register as a customer, we do add your name to our mailing list so that we can tell you about new products, specials, and seasonal gift ideas. Our mailing program is managed through Vertical Response, a leading provider of e-mailing services that maintains aggressive antispam policies. If you wish to unsubscribe, just click the link at the bottom of the e-mails we send and you'll never receive the e-mail again.

In short, we value you too much as a customer to ever jeopardize our relationship with you. We treat your information with an abundance of care and concern, as if it was our own.

Can We Agree on the Vichysoisse to Start?

The G8 is off to a less than auspicious start, with national pride taking a hit over French President Jacques Chriac's comments about British cuisine. Setting a tone of optimism and cooperation that is sure to be the hallmark of this week's meetings, Chirac was quoted as saying of the Brits, "We can't trust people who have such bad food."

I'll take filet mignon over fish and chips, thank you, but Chirac went a little too far when he claimed that mad cow disease was England's sole contribution to European agriculture.

German Chancellor Gerard Schroeder one-upped the French president by insulting Scotland, which plays host to this year's G8 summit, saying, "I am not a friend of salmon and I hope I get a decent steak."

Apparently the message of Saturday's Live8 concerts is lost on these gentlemen. My advice to the chefs at Gleneagles is to serve nothing for the duration of the summit, then see who feels like complaining.

Freshness Under Attack

Some food for thought found its way to my Inbox this morning, courtesy of the nice folks at Internet Retailer. Michigan State's Last Mile Supply Chain Center ran a survey asking people what they thought about online grocers.

The news isn't good. 200 customers of three online grocers were surveyed, and they said that the grocery sites have become harder to use since 2003, and one grocer was faulted for a site that loads slowly. (I'd link, but it's a subscription-based article.)

The article closed with this cheerful thought: "The study also found that customers believed that the quality of products available online had declined at each retailer compared to products purchased directly from their stores."

Now the key word in that sentence is believed. The food from both sources could have been equally good, but if the customer perceives a difference, that's a problem. Though the details of the study haven't been published, I'll go out on a limb and say we're comparing unprocessed foods like meat and produce and not cans of soup.

If you're selling food, I think there are three things that need to be stressed, in this order: Quality, freshness, and taste. I don't think you get as far as taste in the customer's mind until he or she is satisfied that the quality and freshness standards have been met.

I've said before that Americans take freshness for granted, and in the case of an established relationship with a brand or seller, I believe that's true. However, we are trained from childhood to seek out fresh foods, and even though that process may slip into a subconscious acceptance of something familiar, it's waiting like a coiled snake to hit the panic button when a product seems a little off. One bad bag of chips might not keep a customer from coming back, but it gets the hackles up, and a second bad bag is the end of the trust.

In the case of online food sales, not only do we have the basic concerns of providing quality, freshness, and taste, but the additional need to promote, sell, and deliver what is essentially a blind item to our customers, understanding that any glitches or imperfections in our online and delivery systems can negatively impact the customer's perception of our products.

In other words, if the site loads slowly, is frequently offline, or offers substandard features, we can inadvertently trip the freshness trigger in the customer's mind, following the rationale of, "If they can't get this right, then how good can the food be?" Add in some shipping delays--the one aspect of this business that we can never control--and you've got a customer with diminished expectations evaluating the product. Even if the product is perfect, the hassle of getting it can lead the customer to conclude that it isn't that good.

Now add the friends and family factor. Unhappy customer tells everyone she knows about her disappointment, and their own freshness triggers trip. The result is wary eyes looking at online catalogs.

As food retailers, it is an obligation to deliver the best possible experience online and in the customer's home, so that we can minimize any shipping problems we encounter. That means responding to customer concerns about our sites in a timely and supportive manner, so that we can all benefit from increased customer confidence.

Cakes on Holiday

If you're looking for Original Boston Coffee Cakes, please be patient. The company is taking the week of July 4 off, so we've temporarily marked all their products as Out of Stock in our system.

Their products aren't displayed on our site right now, but they will return on July 6. In the meantime, could I suggest some nice croissants?

Summertime and Other Acts of God

The nice folks in Chicago have been putting up with some extreme heat. Most people don't like heat waves, and cheesecakes like them even less. As a result of the temperatures and expected severe weather, I've been advised by JR Bakery that they will be unable to ship any cheesecakes today. They expect to resume shipping tomorrow, and in the meantime, all of the cakes from Bittersweet Pastries are available for overnight delivery.

There's no way to plan for these events, short of asterisking every page in the site with the text, "Excepting Acts of God." That's a term your insurance agent might use if you file a claim after lightning hits your house.

We rely on the expertise of our partner bakeries to determine when shipping is and isn't feasible. Up here in the Boston area, I know how disruptive blizzards can be, but I'm lucky enough to have a regional Post Office sorting center a short mush up the road. If they tell me that our products won't get out in time, I'll hold off on shipping.

We make every effort to deliver on time because we know how important that is to our customers. If you ever place an order that we cannot ship due to weather or other extreme conditions, we will let you know and work with you to find either an alternative on our site or a competitor who can meet your needs.

4th of July Shipping

Just a note today to let you know what's happening with the upcoming July 4 holiday. Since the 4th falls on a Monday, any order placed after 2PM on Thursday, June 30, will not be shipped until July 5, unless Saturday Delivery is chosen.

Our partner bakeries will be closed on Sunday, July 3, and Monday, July 4.

Then it's business as usual until Labor Day.

But is it antibacterial?

In a happy Dickensian moment, the good folks over at Pew Research have released their annual survey on how Americans feel about the press. The summary's long and dense, just the thing to dive into on a Monday morning.

Really, Pew guys, Monday morning? I've got to spend a few minutes chafing at Harry Knowles' foaming middleschooler drivel over at Aint It Cool News just to remember that I can read. If you want me, and the rest of weekending America, to decipher sentences such as "By wide margins, more Americans give favorable than unfavorable ratings to their daily newspaper (80%-20%), local TV news (79%-21%), and cable TV news networks (79%-21%), among those able to rate these organizations," then release this stuff on a Tuesday.

This gets Dickensian because I'd planned all along to talk about the genius marketing that catpulted Fox News Channel to the top of the cable news ratings, and mention why your bleach might be lying to you.

Here's a couple of interesting points from the Pew survey: 42% of those surveyed said news organizations "stand up for America"; 40% said news organizations are "too critical of America"--that's kind of their job, you know; and 72% say that news organizations tend to favor one side.

I hope the marketing department at Fox News gets hefty bonuses that let them afford those waterfront mansions that are so popular with the kids, because they've earned them. Getting almost three quarters of America to agree on anything is an accomplishment in itself; doing it to boost ratings is genius.

And they did it with three little words: fair and balanced. When Fox News hit the air on October 7, 1996, CNN already owned the lion's share of cable news viewers. Fox offered a programming alternative by stressing commentary over reporting, and started spreading those three little words around.

Now as someone who once made a living as a journalist, I can tell you that there's no such thing as a "biased" newsroom. Reporters, real reporters who aren't of the Nancy Grace opinion-first school, take their commitment to evenhanded coverage very seriously. Saying that a news channel is "fair and balanced" is akin to saying "water quenches thirst."

And nowhere in that "fair and balanced" statement does Fox suggest that other news outlets are skewing the news. But if you're CNN or the New York Times, you know that somewhere, someone is asking that question, and you can't answer it by saying, "Well we're not."

All you can do is point to the obvious bias in shows like the O'Reilly Factor and say, "How fair and balanced is that guy, Fox?" Which feeds right back into the marketing loop, because now the people who agree with O'Reilly are saying, "You know, Fox is really fair and balanced, because O'Reilly isn't on CNN."

Fox can answer the biased question by pointing to Alan Colmes and Greta van Susteren. Meanwhile poor Wolf Blitzer is trying to do the kind of evenhanded journalism he's done for years and watching his viewers head for Fox.

A couple of years back, one of the bleach companies stuck the word "antibacterial" on their bottles and went as far as to commission a computer-animated TV commercial that featured two bottles of Brand X bleach complaining that their labels didn't have the word "antibacterial." Never mind that all bleach is antibacterial--that's kind of its job, you know--the company that gets out first gets to make the claim.

I'm accepting bids from the likes of Aquafina and Perrier for the rights to "It quenches thirst." And if the research is right, I might change our slogan to "1-800-Bakery.com--Baked in ovens."

Don't Be So British

The good folks in the UK, it seems, like to buy their food in stores, and spend twice as much at specialty shops--like the muffin man's shop on Drury Lane--as they do on online groceries. Freshness is paramount, and it's worth noting that a lot of Europeans visit markets or grocery stores daily, while Americans make a weekly sojourn to the supermarket to restock the refrigerator.

That's not the sort of thing I want to read in the morning, because it leaves me feeling that I could put the word "fresh" in giant botalic text all over every product page and none of these Bretons would care. We don't sell to England, so it's not my problem, but should I really take comfort in the notion that Americans are less concerned with the freshness of their food?

We seem to be more concerned about what's in our food than how new it is. Organic foods are gaining shelf space at Target, and grocers nationwide are watching sales disappear to specialty retailers who offer organic products.

We're also less afraid to try new things now, which will make Mom happy.

For what it's worth, I think we take freshness for granted. Walk into any supermarket and take a look at the produce aisle. Here's a row of open refrigerator cases in stuffed like a Roman baccanalia with fruits and vegetables in a carnival midway of colors chosen just as much for their mouthwatering appearance as their food value.

No need to ask if it's fresh, because it looks fresh. Once the consumer stops worrying about whether vegetable X is good, they're free to ask if it's good for them. This flies in the face of our brave new world of genetically modified and cloned superfoods, and I'll be amazed if the introduction of said superfoods doesn't drive organic food sales even higher.

There's no preservatives in our Croissants, by the way. They're probably not good for you in the same way as, say, a fresh garden salad, but I'm going to go eat some anyway.

When Marketing Attacks

Note to the good folks over at Snapple: Check the weather report before you try to erect the world's largest frozen treat. If I'm not mistaken, this is the largest dessert-related disaster to hit a major city since molasses spilled across Boston's North End back in 1919. Nobody was hurt in New York, but some witnesses reported that Snapple spokesgal Wendy was seen floating away in a strawberry-kiwi river.

Meanwhile, our friends at the FDA are close to giving food and milk from cloned animals the go-ahead for consumer sales. I'll confess that I find the concept of cloned food, or food from the descendants of cloned animals, rather unappetizing. With the trend toward organic foods increasing in America, it'll be interesting to see how they market this stuff.

I just hope they don't use those damn dancing popups that appear on the Financial Times site. If you use Yahoo! Mail, you've seen them there as well. These are the "next generation popups" that appear in the same window and get in the way of the content by placing themselves on top of it.

The theory seems to be that we won't mind waiting a few seconds to look at an ad before we read what's on the page. The theory is garbage, and you can prove it yourself with this little experiment:

First, find a magazine and cut out a full-page ad. For best results, choose an ad for mortgage refinancing or prescription medication.

Next, find someone who's reading a newspaper. Family members will do, but for maximum effect, choose a complete stranger on the train or at the local Starbucks.

Wait until your victim--er, subject--turns the page in the newspaper. Reach over the top of the newspaper, and wave the ad over the page for a few seconds. Repeat each time the page is turned, or until the authorities are called.

Armed with the results of your research, sit up all night wondering who thought these ads were a good idea, and why reputable Web sites were foolish enough to allow them. When you give up in frustration (and you will), vow to stop using sites that display these ads.

I don't like Mondays

With all the emphasis on keeping commerce running in this technological age, you'd think Monday delivery would be a simple thing. It's not, at least if you're dealing with baked goods.

Shipping companies promise the world on time or to get the business of shipping done, just as long as you don't ask them to do it on a Sunday. Here lies one of the last bottlenecks between the business world as it was and the always-open retailing environment of the Web.

We used to have these things called "weekends" when stores closed early and people didn't shop. E-commerce may have changed our buying habits, but the shippers still like their Sundays off. Not a problem if you're throwing books or software in a box. Big problem if you're trying to ship birthday cakes or deliver something for a Sunday holiday like Father's Day or Mother's Day.

Because we ship some of our products overnight to ensure freshness, and because UPS and FedEx are closed on Sunday, we can't deliver those products on Monday. That's reality for everyone in e-commerce land, but it hits us a little harder.

The U.S. Postal Service has stepped into the breech somewhat, offering Sunday delivery from regional sorting centers. If one of our partner bakeries happens to be near one of these, it's a great deal, but most of them aren't. I think it's a matter of time before UPS or FedEx steps up and adds Sunday drop-off and delivery to their schedule. With an increasing number of perishables appearing in online stores, and with customers clamoring for faster delivery, we could see those extended shipping hours within two years.

Until then, we can't deliver some products on Monday.

Good News, Bad News

Rumors are flying that the good folks at Google have an alternative to PayPal in the works. If anyone from the Googleplex happens by here, drop me an e-mail, as I'd love for our site to be part of the beta. I love Google, and not just because they bring the most customers to our site.

Google is a triumph of well-thought-out design. I respect that in the same way I respect the Mac OS. Yahoo ought to have learned something about building a better web page from Google by now. Why they insist on leading search results with paid sponsorship is beyond me. It's confusing to the user, which benefits neither the advertiser nor Yahoo as a search engine. Move paid search results aside, please, and let me click on them by choice, not by accident.

Meanwhile, the DMOZ folks suspended their Site Submission Status forum rather quietly a month ago. So quietly, in fact, that I wasn't aware of this until today, when I went looking for it. I'll take a wild guess that this has a lot to do with the general negativity toward DMOZ these days. With allegations of corruption and favoritism hanging heavy over the Web, this is not the tactic to take. It's the equivalent of turning off the phone at customer service because you don't want to listen to the complaints.

Guess what, DMOZ? That's part of being in business. I could question the decisions others have made to vest so much importance in an all-volunteer project. But in business, we operate on trust, and the real fault lies when someone makes a promise that they cannot keep. DMOZ should either reestablish transparency with its users and get things back on track or shut down.

Just the (Nutrition) Facts, Ma'am

The good folks over at the USDA have gone and updated the food guide pyramid again. The big difference between this one and the last one is that you can't tell how many servings of food group X you're expected to ingest without telling them your age, sex, and how little exercise you get each day.

I'm supposed to get 7 teaspoons of oils a day, which I guess I'll mix into my coffee. I should also "Aim for at least 4 whole grains a day," whatever that means. There goes my Atkins diet, and I feel the shadowy influence of the Wheat Foods Council at work here, especially given that the Council links to the Food Pyramid in the first paragraph of their FAQ.

It's been a tough couple of years for wheat, what with the low-carb craze driving bread sales lower than the Nile in the dry season. But I'm tired of these special interests nosing their way into every government program. I don't see anything saying how much pork I should eat. Probably because they spent their money on a nifty pork website instead of lobbying the Department of Agriculture.

I'm also at a complete loss as to how much Chocolate Almond Decadence Cake I should consume. Bakers never did have a good presence on Capitol Hill. Breads make the list, of course, and we'll be adding more of those very soon.

Another Blog on the Web, Part II

...we don't need no validation...we don't need no xml...

Here's a new way to lose your job: write a blog. Amid the sob stories here from people who should have thought twice and blogged once are some of those nifty statistics we all thrive on: 8 million adult Americans have blogged, and 32 million Americans read blogs.

In other words, everybody's doing it. It's a latter-day Macarena. You're not cool if you don't Blog. Can I call you sometime? Not until I get an RSS feed and a PageRank of 6? I guess you do need your standards.

Everybody's doing it is the worst marketing philosophy out there. Someday I'll sit down and really complain about message overload and how it's wrecking everyone's day, but for now, I want to focus on the bandwagon approach to marketing.

I performed last night at a club in Cambridge called the All Asia. (Call to ask about karaoke. They'll tell you they don't have it.) It's one of those joints where you can't see through the windows because they're covered in flyers hued across the Staples copy center colored paper rainbow, proclaiming the imminent arrival of bands for the next month.

Everybody tries to scream out from their meager 8 1/2 by 11 piece of window. As a result, nobody does. The more outrageous the artwork gets, the more it succumbs to Dadaist reality. Like a downtown wall covered in graffiti it becomes harsh and ugly, repellant even as it tries to invite.

Why volunteer to be part of that noise? Because everybody's doing it. Never mind that those flyers seldom put a person in a seat. Everybody's doing it.

Wouldn't it be better to do something else, to break away from the clutter and find some new way to reach the audience?

Can't be bothered with that question. I've got to make another flyer.

Another Blog on the Web, Part I

...a blogspot in the online album...blogger, what else did you write for me?

I'm skipping the links today, tired as I am from laying awake in sweltering steam heat last night, wondering why anybody lives around here at this time of year. Massachusetts has two seasons: snow and steam, and we get about a week between them when it's pleasant.

This year, it rained for that week.

One thing I wasn't losing sleep over last night was this blog, even though every marketing company in America seems to think that should be my top priority. My inbox is full of this stuff.

Do you have a blog? Do you update every day? Are you syndicating in RSS XML to My Yahoo! and updating your posts 10 times a day? No? Then you're doomed! Everyone else is doing this! What's wrong with you? Why do you want to fail? Stop reading this and go write in your blog now or you'll never see a customer again!

I paraphrase, but the tone is accurate. Just once I'd like to see someone send me a flirty marketing pitch instead of this gloom and doom stuff. "Hey, nice site you've got there. Maybe I could come over and we could talk about it."

Instead it's Blog this and Blog that and Blahg Blahg Blahg. I remember when we called them "diaries." Life was simpler back then, in the halcyon days of 1998.

I'm not saying it's a bad idea, only that this is the latest marketing panacea in a trend that predates the jpeg. Remember when everyone was going to need Java to succeed? Or when B2B was going to kick B2C off the Web? Or when wireless was the most crucial enterprise deployment platform? How many successful sites got to be that way by jumping from trend to trend? And what is it about e-commerce that makes everyone think we need a new set of rules?

There's a Chinese restaurant on Route 1 in Saugus, Massachusetts, called the Kowloon. It's been open every day since the 1950s. The food's good, the drinks are wicked, and the Polynesian Room has to be seen to be believed. The businesses around them come and go, but they stay open, serving the same great food and drinks. They've proven immune to every diet trend and culture change. You'll be waiting an hour for a table on Friday or Saturday night.

They did all that without a blog. Go figure.