I really shouldn't dispense free advice to the competition, and I doubt I would if I thought they would seriously take it, but that seems to be the case at Gocakego.com. They've added an actual address and--gasp--phone number to the bottom of most of their pages. They're still, however, only guaranteeing a "cake-rageous" experience, and I've got no idea what that means. I'm thinking it's one of those things that means something different to everyone. I prefer to order from places that offer a simple money-back guarantee, like the one we offer. And there's still the odd lie about FREE shipping.
Don't forget to use the BLOG discount to get $5 off our Chocolate or Vanilla birthday cakes. Type it into the Coupons field at checkout, and remember, we've got two flavors, they've got one. Really, if you're going to launch a site and offer two flavors of cake, shouldn't you have both flavors available at launch? It's not like you're tackling the Herculean task of offering three kinds of cake.
Maybe they're just waiting for raspberry preserves to come back in season.
Speaking of competitors, I get the odd call for someone looking for larger cakes than the ones we sell, specifically half-sheet and full-sheet cakes. Los Angeles-based Cake2go.com has you covered. They use a network of bakeries to fill their orders. I don't think that's the best way to do it, but I will concede that there's no practical way to ship a half-sheet or full-sheet cake, which is a very fragile thing. If you need something that size, visit their site.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
Fix cake fix?
I'd like to say things are looking better at Gocakego. I'd like to say we won the war in Iraq, too, but like so many abandoned roadside cars, the problems with our cake-selling friends offer convenient places to hide customer service problems.
They fixed the broken logo on the inside pages, and they added a Contact Us link at the bottom of the page. Too bad that link goes to an e-mail address labeled "info." I bet everyone's tripping over themselves to answer those e-mails. When you send us an e-mail, it either goes to me or to Chef Steve. If we're here, we answer them within an hour. If we're not here, those e-mails are the top priority when we arrive back at work.
Still no sign of the vaunted Raspberry Buttercreme cake--rumored to be at least partially responsible for the Denver Broncos lackluster perfomance in the AFC Championship game--but a visit to the Double Fudge page (which still lies about FREE shipping) reveals a new link, called The Guarantee.
It seems that if your experience is anything less than "cake-rageous," they'll "...fix it. Pronto." I find that the truly "cake-rageous" experiences in life are too few and far between. And nowhere in this do they actually say what they'll do. Do they offer a free replacement? Is this a money-back guarantee like the one we offer? Will sending an e-mail to an address labeledn "guarantee" result in the kind of high-speed, life-affirming customer service that you, a wage-earning productive citizen, should claim as your birthright? I'm guessing that the answer to all of those questions is, "Well, maybe, sorta," especially since I don't see a phone number anywhere on the site where I can call and yell.
As you determine whether your experience was insufficiently "cake-rageous" enough to warrant the dangers of sending that e-mail, be sure to note Gocake's claim that, "Birthdays are not to be taken lightly." Neither are Web sites. Do it right, with all the links and information that customers need, or go away. That would be "cake-rageous."
In other news, someone called twice on Sunday to complain about our shipping rates. We're not here on Sunday. We say that very clearly on the site. The caller claimed that our shipping rates are too high. I might agree with that point, but I don't set the rates. The shipping companies set them. If you'd like to call UPS, FedEx, and the Postal Service and ask them why they charge so much, I'd love to hear the answer, particularly where the concept of "dimensional weight" is concerned.
As I've explained in the past, we don't make money on shipping. In some cases, shipping costs eat into the margins we're supposed to make on our products, because shipping is a complex voodoo science when you're selling nationally. Here's some information you can use to help understand the problems:
1. We ship stuff in oversized boxes. Cakes and pastries can't be crammed into standard boxes. When we use our own packaging, which we need to do for many of our products, we're billed for what's called "dimensional weight," becuase our boxes are larger than the standard UPS, FedEx, or USPS boxes. In other words, we're billed for the additional space our packaging takes up on the airplane on a per-pound basis. Dimensional Weight can add as much as two pounds to our packages, resulting in a higher shipping cost.
2. Cakes are heavy. Three DVDs may weigh less than two pounds, but one cake weighs about five pounds. Throw in some dry ice or an ice pack to keep the cake cool in transit, and we're up to a seven-pound package. Since shipping is priced by the pound, it adds up.
3. We can't use ground shipping. You don't want to wait five days for your cake to arrive. Especially if it's going to Texas. Trust me on this.
So I'm left with these very real expenses (and we take advantage of every discount we can get). That leaves me with two choices: Charge $35 for a dozen cookies or $65 for a cake and claim FREE shipping (it's not FREE if it's not in all caps, ask any marketer), or break down the price so you know exactly where your dollars are going.
If you find that level of honesty unsettling, there are folks online who'll lie to you and offer all the "FREE" shipping you can handle. You're welcome to do business with them, just don't call and complain to us first, please.
And if you want to know how much that "FREE" shipping cost you, here's some fun you can have at home. When the package arrives, go to Intershipper.com. Type in the originating ZIP Code (where the package came from), your ZIP code, and the package weight, and you'll find out how much they paid for shipping. If they do a ton of volume, you can subtract 20% of the shipping cost. Subtract the shipping cost from the purchase price of the product, and you'll know what you really paid for that "FREE" shipping.
They fixed the broken logo on the inside pages, and they added a Contact Us link at the bottom of the page. Too bad that link goes to an e-mail address labeled "info." I bet everyone's tripping over themselves to answer those e-mails. When you send us an e-mail, it either goes to me or to Chef Steve. If we're here, we answer them within an hour. If we're not here, those e-mails are the top priority when we arrive back at work.
Still no sign of the vaunted Raspberry Buttercreme cake--rumored to be at least partially responsible for the Denver Broncos lackluster perfomance in the AFC Championship game--but a visit to the Double Fudge page (which still lies about FREE shipping) reveals a new link, called The Guarantee.
It seems that if your experience is anything less than "cake-rageous," they'll "...fix it. Pronto." I find that the truly "cake-rageous" experiences in life are too few and far between. And nowhere in this do they actually say what they'll do. Do they offer a free replacement? Is this a money-back guarantee like the one we offer? Will sending an e-mail to an address labeledn "guarantee" result in the kind of high-speed, life-affirming customer service that you, a wage-earning productive citizen, should claim as your birthright? I'm guessing that the answer to all of those questions is, "Well, maybe, sorta," especially since I don't see a phone number anywhere on the site where I can call and yell.
As you determine whether your experience was insufficiently "cake-rageous" enough to warrant the dangers of sending that e-mail, be sure to note Gocake's claim that, "Birthdays are not to be taken lightly." Neither are Web sites. Do it right, with all the links and information that customers need, or go away. That would be "cake-rageous."
In other news, someone called twice on Sunday to complain about our shipping rates. We're not here on Sunday. We say that very clearly on the site. The caller claimed that our shipping rates are too high. I might agree with that point, but I don't set the rates. The shipping companies set them. If you'd like to call UPS, FedEx, and the Postal Service and ask them why they charge so much, I'd love to hear the answer, particularly where the concept of "dimensional weight" is concerned.
As I've explained in the past, we don't make money on shipping. In some cases, shipping costs eat into the margins we're supposed to make on our products, because shipping is a complex voodoo science when you're selling nationally. Here's some information you can use to help understand the problems:
1. We ship stuff in oversized boxes. Cakes and pastries can't be crammed into standard boxes. When we use our own packaging, which we need to do for many of our products, we're billed for what's called "dimensional weight," becuase our boxes are larger than the standard UPS, FedEx, or USPS boxes. In other words, we're billed for the additional space our packaging takes up on the airplane on a per-pound basis. Dimensional Weight can add as much as two pounds to our packages, resulting in a higher shipping cost.
2. Cakes are heavy. Three DVDs may weigh less than two pounds, but one cake weighs about five pounds. Throw in some dry ice or an ice pack to keep the cake cool in transit, and we're up to a seven-pound package. Since shipping is priced by the pound, it adds up.
3. We can't use ground shipping. You don't want to wait five days for your cake to arrive. Especially if it's going to Texas. Trust me on this.
So I'm left with these very real expenses (and we take advantage of every discount we can get). That leaves me with two choices: Charge $35 for a dozen cookies or $65 for a cake and claim FREE shipping (it's not FREE if it's not in all caps, ask any marketer), or break down the price so you know exactly where your dollars are going.
If you find that level of honesty unsettling, there are folks online who'll lie to you and offer all the "FREE" shipping you can handle. You're welcome to do business with them, just don't call and complain to us first, please.
And if you want to know how much that "FREE" shipping cost you, here's some fun you can have at home. When the package arrives, go to Intershipper.com. Type in the originating ZIP Code (where the package came from), your ZIP code, and the package weight, and you'll find out how much they paid for shipping. If they do a ton of volume, you can subtract 20% of the shipping cost. Subtract the shipping cost from the purchase price of the product, and you'll know what you really paid for that "FREE" shipping.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Just Go, gocakego
Here's another one of my snide posts wherein, through sarcastic commentary, you might learn a thing or two about how not to run a Web site.
As a veteran of the dotcom bust, I like to think that the days of style over substance are gone. That Web entrepreneurs have learned that it takes more than pretty pictures and a little Flash to be successful. Then I see gocakego.com, and I'm reminded why phishing scams still work. In short, just because you spend years telling people not to do things via every available avenue, it doesn't mean they'll listen.
Go take a look at the site. The link's right up there. These are the same folks that had a teaser page online for so long that I began to wonder if someone had (wisely) pulled the plug before this venture got off the ground. Imagine my surprise at seeing actual content, albeit in short supply.
These folks sell cakes. Well, cake, since clicking on the "Show me the cakes!" button reveals that their much-anticipated Raspberry Buttercreme is still in development. In this high-speed day and age, when Presidents can't wait for a court order to start wiretapping, you can't have a cake in R&D for so long. The new Duke Nukem game may be on the market before this cake materializes.
In gocakego's defense, the site seems to be all about simplicity. Nothing's simpler than having only one cake, even if half the people who come to your site don't like it. Those customers, we'll assume, just go away, leaving only those who approve of Double Fudge cakes. And the pictures are pretty. Very, very pretty. Too bad the end of the gocakego.com logo gets cut off once you're off the home page, or that would look pretty too.
The green box also looks pretty, if you like green. Did I mention that the cake comes in a green box? That's a big part of the strategy over there, so much so that they've carried the green motif, with ample blue highlights, into their site design. Are there any two less appetizing colors than green and blue? I've done the research, and the answer is no. But the cake comes in a green box, and I'm sure they were careful to ensure that none of the gocakego.com logo was cut off on the box.
Assuming you get past the green and blue (blue, by the way, is nature's chromatic equivalent of the skull and crossbones, which is why sensible food marketers avoid it), you can order your choice of a Double Fudge or a Double Fudge cake for a mere $59.95--"Includes FREE shipping." As I've said many times before, there's no free shipping.
Let me repeat that: There's NO free shipping. Free lunch may actually exist, expecially if you're good at sneaking into marketing conferences without credentials, but there's no free shipping. The shipping is priced into the cost of the cake, which, incidentally, serves 6 fewer people than our Chocolate Birthday Cake, which, incidentally, comes with all the same stuff (minus the green box), and only costs $5 more with second-day air shipping.
Cross some names off the guest list, honey. We're getting FREE shipping. No you're not. You're being lied to on a green and blue background. Please do me, and the rest of the decent online retailers out there, a favor this year and stop buying things from people who lie to you.
If you insist on buying from people who lie to you, go ahead, use the Shopping Cart. As they say, "Ordering from our store is quick & easy." So quick & easy that they don't even bother spelling out the word "and."
First, give them the Shipping address. Be sure to notice the "Shipping and Handling" charge of $0.00 at the bottom of the page. It must really be free! You also get the choice of creating a customer account or buying as a Guest. Clicking the "What's a Guest?" link tells you that if you don't register, you won't be able to track your order. Now that's simple!
I also need to assign some bonus points for the error message that keeps popping up on the checkout pages, informing customers that "This page contains both secure and nonsecure items." That always makes me feel safe when I'm shopping online. Usually it's an image that's the source of the problem, but I've looked at the pages with nonsecure items turned off, and I can't tell the difference, so if it is an image, it's an invisible image that's probably being used for some search engine optimization purposes. Cheaters.
Once you tell them where to ship and who to bill, the next page tells you to "Select Your Shipping Method." You get as much choice here as you do with the cakes, as there's a single radio button next to the words "Free Shipping." These folks lie like Scooter Libby in front of a grand jury.
You'll be asked for a Discount Code and to choose a Delivery Date. It doesn't say anything about delivery restrictions, but there's an asterisk next to the field. The asterisk doesn't point to anything or link to anything, which must make it feel like less of an asterisk. That sort of abuse of one of the most useful and reliable symbols in language has always bothered me. For fun, I suggest trying to place an order for same-day or Sunday delivery. You won't get any error messages. You also won't get a cake, but you might get a fun phone call from someone in customer service. If you do, be sure to ask them why you can't get your Double Fudge cake the same day or on Sunday, then ask them why it didn't say that on their site. Then cancel your order.
This, of course, assumes that they have customer service. If they do, it's nowhere to be found on the site. Nor is any kind of shipping information, physical address, security information, or a privacy statement. They're all about simplicity over at gocakego, and those boring bits of information just complicate things, don't they? Maybe all that information is coming once the Raspberry Buttercreme cake is ready for the world.
Of course, why would you want the basic staples of online customer service when you've got a Party Online feature? Not only will they send you your choice of a Double Fudge or a Double Fudge cake with FREE shipping on a Sunday, but they'll also fill your e-mail box with birthday wishes. All you have to do is send them the e-mails of everyone you know. Which makes no sense, because you're not sending a birthday cake to yourself, and you probably don't know all the e-mails of the cake recipient's friends and family, unless you're hacking into his or her Hotmail when nobody's looking. With no Privacy Statement on the site, this is probably what gocakego recommends. And what happens with all those e-mails, anyway?
When you violate as many basic e-commerce requirements as gocakego does, it's understandable that you wouldn't put a customer service number anywhere. Personally, I wouldn't order from these folks if they were the only cake site online and my only other birtday gift option was a box of last year's Limburger, so long as I knew the Limburger was coming from a secure site with a clear path to customer service.
If you want to save the five bucks and take a gamble, go right ahead. Actually, I don't want you to do that, because I care about customers and I don't want shoddy sites like this wrecking the reputation of e-commerce. So try this instead: Order a birthday cake from us and use the Discount Code BLOG at checkout to save five bucks. I'll even give you a choice of chocolate or vanilla. You'll only match their price if you choose Second-Day Air shipping, because Express Overnight and Saturday cost more. And no, we can't deliver it on Sunday or Monday.
You won't get a green box and you'll have to send your own Happy Birthday e-mails, but you will be ordering from a safe, secure site with customer service a toll-free call away. The choice is yours.
As a veteran of the dotcom bust, I like to think that the days of style over substance are gone. That Web entrepreneurs have learned that it takes more than pretty pictures and a little Flash to be successful. Then I see gocakego.com, and I'm reminded why phishing scams still work. In short, just because you spend years telling people not to do things via every available avenue, it doesn't mean they'll listen.
Go take a look at the site. The link's right up there. These are the same folks that had a teaser page online for so long that I began to wonder if someone had (wisely) pulled the plug before this venture got off the ground. Imagine my surprise at seeing actual content, albeit in short supply.
These folks sell cakes. Well, cake, since clicking on the "Show me the cakes!" button reveals that their much-anticipated Raspberry Buttercreme is still in development. In this high-speed day and age, when Presidents can't wait for a court order to start wiretapping, you can't have a cake in R&D for so long. The new Duke Nukem game may be on the market before this cake materializes.
In gocakego's defense, the site seems to be all about simplicity. Nothing's simpler than having only one cake, even if half the people who come to your site don't like it. Those customers, we'll assume, just go away, leaving only those who approve of Double Fudge cakes. And the pictures are pretty. Very, very pretty. Too bad the end of the gocakego.com logo gets cut off once you're off the home page, or that would look pretty too.
The green box also looks pretty, if you like green. Did I mention that the cake comes in a green box? That's a big part of the strategy over there, so much so that they've carried the green motif, with ample blue highlights, into their site design. Are there any two less appetizing colors than green and blue? I've done the research, and the answer is no. But the cake comes in a green box, and I'm sure they were careful to ensure that none of the gocakego.com logo was cut off on the box.
Assuming you get past the green and blue (blue, by the way, is nature's chromatic equivalent of the skull and crossbones, which is why sensible food marketers avoid it), you can order your choice of a Double Fudge or a Double Fudge cake for a mere $59.95--"Includes FREE shipping." As I've said many times before, there's no free shipping.
Let me repeat that: There's NO free shipping. Free lunch may actually exist, expecially if you're good at sneaking into marketing conferences without credentials, but there's no free shipping. The shipping is priced into the cost of the cake, which, incidentally, serves 6 fewer people than our Chocolate Birthday Cake, which, incidentally, comes with all the same stuff (minus the green box), and only costs $5 more with second-day air shipping.
Cross some names off the guest list, honey. We're getting FREE shipping. No you're not. You're being lied to on a green and blue background. Please do me, and the rest of the decent online retailers out there, a favor this year and stop buying things from people who lie to you.
If you insist on buying from people who lie to you, go ahead, use the Shopping Cart. As they say, "Ordering from our store is quick & easy." So quick & easy that they don't even bother spelling out the word "and."
First, give them the Shipping address. Be sure to notice the "Shipping and Handling" charge of $0.00 at the bottom of the page. It must really be free! You also get the choice of creating a customer account or buying as a Guest. Clicking the "What's a Guest?" link tells you that if you don't register, you won't be able to track your order. Now that's simple!
I also need to assign some bonus points for the error message that keeps popping up on the checkout pages, informing customers that "This page contains both secure and nonsecure items." That always makes me feel safe when I'm shopping online. Usually it's an image that's the source of the problem, but I've looked at the pages with nonsecure items turned off, and I can't tell the difference, so if it is an image, it's an invisible image that's probably being used for some search engine optimization purposes. Cheaters.
Once you tell them where to ship and who to bill, the next page tells you to "Select Your Shipping Method." You get as much choice here as you do with the cakes, as there's a single radio button next to the words "Free Shipping." These folks lie like Scooter Libby in front of a grand jury.
You'll be asked for a Discount Code and to choose a Delivery Date. It doesn't say anything about delivery restrictions, but there's an asterisk next to the field. The asterisk doesn't point to anything or link to anything, which must make it feel like less of an asterisk. That sort of abuse of one of the most useful and reliable symbols in language has always bothered me. For fun, I suggest trying to place an order for same-day or Sunday delivery. You won't get any error messages. You also won't get a cake, but you might get a fun phone call from someone in customer service. If you do, be sure to ask them why you can't get your Double Fudge cake the same day or on Sunday, then ask them why it didn't say that on their site. Then cancel your order.
This, of course, assumes that they have customer service. If they do, it's nowhere to be found on the site. Nor is any kind of shipping information, physical address, security information, or a privacy statement. They're all about simplicity over at gocakego, and those boring bits of information just complicate things, don't they? Maybe all that information is coming once the Raspberry Buttercreme cake is ready for the world.
Of course, why would you want the basic staples of online customer service when you've got a Party Online feature? Not only will they send you your choice of a Double Fudge or a Double Fudge cake with FREE shipping on a Sunday, but they'll also fill your e-mail box with birthday wishes. All you have to do is send them the e-mails of everyone you know. Which makes no sense, because you're not sending a birthday cake to yourself, and you probably don't know all the e-mails of the cake recipient's friends and family, unless you're hacking into his or her Hotmail when nobody's looking. With no Privacy Statement on the site, this is probably what gocakego recommends. And what happens with all those e-mails, anyway?
When you violate as many basic e-commerce requirements as gocakego does, it's understandable that you wouldn't put a customer service number anywhere. Personally, I wouldn't order from these folks if they were the only cake site online and my only other birtday gift option was a box of last year's Limburger, so long as I knew the Limburger was coming from a secure site with a clear path to customer service.
If you want to save the five bucks and take a gamble, go right ahead. Actually, I don't want you to do that, because I care about customers and I don't want shoddy sites like this wrecking the reputation of e-commerce. So try this instead: Order a birthday cake from us and use the Discount Code BLOG at checkout to save five bucks. I'll even give you a choice of chocolate or vanilla. You'll only match their price if you choose Second-Day Air shipping, because Express Overnight and Saturday cost more. And no, we can't deliver it on Sunday or Monday.
You won't get a green box and you'll have to send your own Happy Birthday e-mails, but you will be ordering from a safe, secure site with customer service a toll-free call away. The choice is yours.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Why send a cake in the mail?
The competition's heating up in the world of pastrycommerce, as evidenced by this AdWords entry from the competition over at the usabirthdays site:
Good question there, usabirthdays, and a good thing that's not the only ad that you run, because I'm about to explain a few things.Birthday Cake Delivery
Why send a cake in the mail when
you can get a cake baked locally?
First, nobody's sending a cake "in the mail," at least not from our site. The implication here is that we're tossing our cakes in a box and shoving it into the closest mailbox. That's what most people think of when they think of mail. Cakes wouldn't survive too well in that environment, which is why we've spent years developing packaging and shipping methods, and working out relationships with UPS and FedEx to ensure that our products arrive on time and in one ready-to-enjoy piece.
So now that the editorial slur against our shipping practices has been addressed, let's get to the real question that's being posed, with the appropriate revisions:
Why send a cake when you can get a cake baked locally?
Why go to Vegas when there's a casino a few hours away? Why stay at the Ritz-Carlton (lose the Flash intro, people) when you can stay at Motel 6? (Maybe because they have a better Web site.) Why eat at Ruth's Chris when Chili's has the New Cajun Ribeye?
Awesome Blossom aside, there's a simple reason: quality. When you order a cake from us, it goes straight to an award-winning bakery. The same bakery, every time. Whether it's cheesecakes from JR Bakery of Chicago or one of the amazing cakes from Bittersweet Pastries, you'll get the same quality whenever you order.
What happens when you order from usabirthdays? Your order goes to a local bakery. They could be great. They could all be using the same recipe. They may have even won an award. But you won't know. And if you order again, and you're sending to a different state, you'll be dealing with another unknown bakery. You're taking a chance on quality. I think that's okay with floral arrangements, because they just have to look good. A cake has to taste good, too, and taste good consistently. That's what makes memories and traditions.
If you want to take a chance, there's sites out there that will let you. If you think the people you love deserve the commitment to quality and consistency that we provide, we're here for you.
And we won't send your cake through the mail.
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