A Pathetic Anniversary

My thoughts go out today to the hard-working staff over at DMOZ, the Open Directory, for their tireless efforts to keep the public at large informed about what's happening online.

They must be overwhelmed with the constant addition of new sites to the Internet, and all the requests they get from Webmasters to add sites to their directory, which is still considered an authority site by no less than the mighty Google.

Indeed, working at DMOZ must be a ceaseless Sisyphusian struggle against the rising tide of e-commerce, with the sleepless nights toiling at laptops and desktops willowing relationships with family and friends.

So busy are the all-powerful DMOZ volunteers that they lack the time for basic social interaction, regular television viewing, or even the fleeting calm of a coffee break. I say this because today, the Summer Solstice, marks the one-year anniversary of my submission of 1-800-Bakery.com to DMOZ, and after one year, we're still not listed.

Despite assurances that our site would be listed in weeks, three months at the most, visitors to DMOZ are denied the knowledge that our humble baked-goods emporium is available for thier high-calorie snacking and gift-giving needs.

I can only imagine the nightmare that must be the life of the Top: Shopping: Food: Baked Goods editor, his or her fingers a gnarled and withered mass flopping from carpal-swollen wrists, glazed, owllike eyes peering from sagging eyelids drained to alabaster by too many hours spent indoors. The miniscule feeling of accomplishment at adding a new listing erased by a heartbeat spiking at the sight of so many bakery sites waiting for inclusion. The growing sense of doom that normal life has been swallowed by the morass of sites silently piling up in the In Box.

Only the ignorant would dare to call these brave soldiers of Web organization lazy. If they ignore our pleas for inclusion, or our repeated e-mails to addresses that don't really go anywhere, it's only because their passion for completing their task of listing everyone in a timely fashion prevents them from pausing, even for a moment, to acknowledge our concern.

I salute you, tireless Top: Shopping: Food: Baked Goods editor. Your efforts have not gone unnoticed, and your dedication is an example of the spirit that made America great!

Now can you get my freaking site listed already?

Same Discount, Different Products

Here's some good news for everyone in Chicagoland: You can now enjoy $6.95 overnight shipping, Tuesday through Friday, on cheesecakes and layer cakes from JR Dessert Bakery and cookies from Supercookie. Order the cake today, you get it tomorrow. These cakes are served in some of the Chicago area's finest restaurants; now you can have them at home for less than you'd probably pay in gas, and a lot less than you'd pay for a dinner just to get a slice of cake.

To those who say these discounts are exclusionary, I say wait a minute, we've got savings for you, too. Did you know that you can order up to three boxes of petits fours or any two of our tarts, truffle cakes, or sugar-free cakes and only pay shipping for one? That'll put at least an extra $25 in your pocket, and the discount is available nationwide.

Still not satisfied? You're a tough case, my friend, but I'll offer you the same discount on all mini cookies from Supercookie. Order up to three tubs and pay $9.95 for two-day shipping. If you're planning a big Fourth of July cookout, a few tubs of July 4th or Picnic mini cookies will be a welcome treat for your guests, and that much less work for you to do.

I dare you to find better values anywhere online. Go ahead, check. It's too hot to play outside, so you might as well do some Web surfing.

Start Spreading the News...

As promised, friends and family in the New York City area can now enjoy $6.95 Overnight shipping on cakes, tarts, and pastries from the site. As with our Boston discount, this does you no good at all if you live in Ames, Iowa, unless you know somebody in the area. Between those two cities, that's around 14 million people, so the odds are high that you've got someone special there who would like a dozen croissants for $39.90, including shipping, which is less than Williams-Sonoma charges for just the croissants. Granted, you get three more croissants from them, but you only get to pick one flavor and you pay more. Granted also that Oprah Winfrey loves those Williams-Sonoma croissants, but unless you're Bill Gates or Paul McCartney, Oprah has more money than you do and doesn't care about paying the extra $8.55.

Maybe you know someone in one of those two cities who's celebrating a birthday. We'll send a 10-inch cake that serves 16 people and comes with plates, napkins, forks, candles, and a cake server for $55.90. The "FREE shipping" liars charge $79.99 for a 10-inch cake, and they offer a lot less variety than we do. I'm sure you can think of something you could do with $24, like sending a gift along with the cake, or putting some gas in your car for a summer roadtrip.

How to Beat the High Cost of Shipping

I've been talking a bit about how some folks like to lie about FREE shipping to try and convince you that you're getting "a deal." I know you're smarter than that, which is why I've asked you to comparison shop and see who's got the best values.

I'm about to make our competitors very sad, because we've found a few ways to save you a lot of money on shipping.
First, let me direct your attention to our Boston Shipping Discount Coupon. Order any item on our site from Bittersweet Pastries or La Patisserie, and we'll ship it Overnight for $6.95.

Let me say that again: Overnight Shipping, Tuesday through Friday, for $6.95. You'd probably pay more in gas going to the store and buying the cake than you would in shipping costs from us. This discount only applies to items shipped to Greater Boston, including all those suburbs that surround it. But I'll let you, my faithful blog readers, in on a secret: It can actually be used for any part of Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island, except for really rural sections and the tip of Cape Cod. Sorry, Truro.

Similar discounts will be rolled out next week for the metro-NYC area and the Chicagoland area.

At a time when everything else seems to be getting more expensive, isn't it nice to find something that costs less? As we move into the last quarter of the year, more of the country will be able to enjoy these discounts, so keep your eyes out for more details.

Meanwhile, if you're in need of large amounts of Petits Fours or Tarts, and you're shipping them anywhere in the United States, you can save on that too. Check out our Summer Shipping Savings page for more details.